This blog was inspired by my mother of course but is also bittersweet. See the thing I forgot to tell you guys is that my mom is a pastor so that makes me a PK(pastor's kid). My mother is super strict , no means no, and yes means maybe. I call her when I get to my destination and I call when I leave. I am not allowed to hang out with people she doesn't know, I am to obey her rules and by no means whatsoever am I to have a boyfriend🙅🏾. I made her sound like a nightmare didn't I? lol truth is she is the most amazing mother I could have ever asked for she has definitely metaphorically place me in a prison yet but my cage sure is comfy. There is nothing I have asked for and been denied and I can literally tell her anything. She is my best friend and confidante but also my biggest pain. Life without her I can't even imagine, everything I do she is my motivation and my strength I believe in her rules and even when friends try to tell me she's too strict I get mad. I would not even marry a man without my mothers permission hence the term "Momma's girl". I do not believe that I have grown to the full consciousness of a woman yet so all my values, decisions are stemmed from what she has taught me and that makes me a Momma's girl all the way. Of course a strict mother ain't never stop no one from doing their thang and boy did I do mines.........⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Junior high was some of my best years. It was the year I got my itty bitty titty committee membership, the year I snuck to school in a mini skirt, the year I started going home on my own and the year I got my first real boyfriend. (Of course my mother did not know). My best friend at school was an coolie( Indian and Caribbean person). She had way too much mouth for her size and was always getting me involved in some kind of mix up.you know back then girls never went to see their boyfriend alone lol always with a friend. I was that friend🙄 . So after school I lied I told my mom I
was trying out for the step team and walked to the pink houses projects and that's when I layed my
eyes on him for the first time. ''Salvador'' he was 5'6 , dark brown, with the muscles an oversized shirt, baggy jeans and fresh white ups. Let's not forget the durag lol. He was a high-schooler and so mysterious, and cuteeeeee well back then. He was supposed to keep me occupied so we went for a walk. He told me everyone called him sal and blah blah blah. The conversation went like this
Him-so what's your name?
Him- you mad cute
Me- thank you *that little dumbass giggle*
Him- *he starts playing just a friend by mario*
(back in this time whatever song played during the conversation was how the person felt)so basically he wanted to be my friend yall😜😜😜
Me- *my dumb self just sitting there smiling*
We sat there listening to songs until my friend was done and I left
Next day word came back that he liked me and just like that I had a boyfriend
WE DIDNT SEE EACH OTHER FOR TWO WEEKS AFTER
finally we set up a date on the park bench over AIM messenger and there we were hugging n blah blah blah
HE KISSED ME YALL.......and it was DISGUSTINNGGGG
I mean it literally felt like a dog was licking my face. I had no idea what I was doing so I sat with my mouth open while he did his thing. His tongue was in my mouth on my face it damn near touched my nose. I remember wiping my face off cause there was so much saliva on my face. But I felt amazing lol that same day I fell in love for the very first time. I started sneaking out everyday pretending
to go to step practice to meet him and it was great till one day mommy told me she had a dream I was kissing a boy on a roof and would you believe that same day I was😭. Sal was older so he started pressuring me to have sex which I knew nothing about. I had never even seen a penis up close and personal except for my cousin. Being in church Sunday after Sunday and every time my mom did a nice thing I'd get all chocked up, hiding hickies under scarves cause cold spoons and forks don't work. I felt so guilty I broke up with him turns out shortie was cheating on me anyways it was my first heartbreak I cried for weeks. Listening to water runs dry- boys to men , all I could do is cry- Beyoncé , resentment- Beyoncé can you stand the rain- new edition etc. it was at that moment I knew I couldn't betray my mom ever, I'd stray but I couldn't leave. I was so strong back then I broke up with him without a second thought cause he wanted to do something I didn't . Ladies please don't let a guy persuade you to do something you are not ready for always make sure that decision is for yourself because eventually resentment slides in and that person you loved is now just the person who couldn't love you. The average person loves and receive love in their own way, find someone who loves you the way you need to be loved whether that be a thousand kisses or them picking you up a tube of toothpaste while they are at the pharmacy or the kind a love that prays. Take time and find someone who knows how clingy you are ,who understands you like to have your way, don't find your other half but make yourself whole and find another whole. '' Don't let no man half love you" according to some Instagram genius. Your body is important, sex is a binding contract be careful who you sign one with. It's your choice . Sadly my choice was snatched away from me and I am in a binding contract with a boy who couldn't take no for an answer, but we'll chat about that later.
WE ALL HAVE POWER OVER OUR OWN LIFES , CREATE YOUR HAPPINESS , CREATE YOUR SUCCESS . YOU ARE THE DRIVER OF YOUR BUS AND WHOEVER DONT WANNA GET ON LEAVE THEM AT THE BUS STOP HONEY.
Anyone who has ever had their choice taken away , Tomorrow's post is for you;
Until Next Time❤️